Savior Please

Todd and I recently went to the Josh Wilson/Matthew West concert at our church it was amazing! Especially a song Matthew West sang about seeing the ultrasound of his brand new daughter, pretty awesome. Lately I have found myself being a control freak, with everything in my life. I want everything in our house to be perfect when our baby gets here, but I felt like I could never be happy with bringing our son or daughter to a house that is not completely spotless, or doesn't have that perfect shade of paint on their bedroom walls...or the newest crib and dresser set.
I know that Todd has been working really hard with working full time, plus class one night a week which equals about a weeks worth of homework, and he has also been trying really hard to make sure everything is perfect for our baby.
When Josh Wilson performed his song "Savior Please" at our church Thursday night, I knew that needed to be my prayer, to let go and not worry or try to control every thing around me. Here are the lyrics.

Savior, please take my hand
I work so hard, I live so fast
This life begins, and then it ends
And I do the best that I can, but I don't know how long I'll last


I try to be so tough
But I'm just not strong enough
I can't do this alone, God I need You to hold on to me
I try to be good enough
But I'm nothing without Your love
Savior, please keep saving me

Savior, please help me stand
I fall so hard, I fade so fast
Will You begin right where I end
And be the God of all I am because You're all I have

Hallelujah
Everything You are to me
Is everything I'll ever need
And I am learning to believe
That I don't have to prove a thing
'Cause You're the one who's saving me

This song could not have come at a more perfect time. I am feeling really well, just not getting very much sleep at night. I think God is preparing me for those late night feedings:) I don't mind it though, it gives me time to think about our baby and spend some time alone with my thoughts. I can't believe it has already been 15 weeks, next week we visit the Dr. for a routine check up and then we schedule the ultrasound where we find out the gender!
If it is a girl her name will be Emily Jean
Emily means 'ambitious' and if there is anything I would want my daughter to be it is that. Jean was my Nana's name so she will be named after her, and Jean means 'God is gracious'. We have narrowed down some names for a boy, and I told Todd he could name him if it is a boy:)
Happy Thanksgiving!!

Bye Bye First Trimester

I see the light! I am rounding the corner towards 2nd Trimester bliss...or so I hear! 13 weeks and 5 days along today, two more days until I am in the 2nd Trimester, which I hear is the best and most comfortable one to be in. My bump is more round, and is starting to settle a little lower, before it was very high, and I think it was from all of my bloat. I can not fit into any of my old pants, SAD! But at least I know baby is growing! Still only gained 2 lbs (go me!) but am prepared to see that number go up very soon. Grannie and Grandpa Malone came into town from Utah and with some money I had gotten from my Papa they were able to get me a very beautiful glider rocking chair with an ottoman! I know many memories and naps will be taken in that chair!:)
This coming weekend I am a bridesmaid in my friend Kara's wedding, so I will be keeping busy with all of her wedding festivities, I tried my dress on today, still fits!:) although my belly is a lot more prominent than it was when I originally bought the dress. Lately I have had a horrible time with my gag reflex. Anything and EVERYTHING sets it off....this morning I went to Safeway, all of the smells and just thinking of different foods...ugh I could not bare it. It seems to happen every day, but if I get some water and fresh air that helps a lot.
I have enjoyed a couple Decaf EggNog latte's but am proud to say no Diet Coke or regular coffee has entered this baby making body of mine...:) Todd is back at school every Tuesday night, and I have enjoyed some time baking and trying new recipes to keep myself busy on the nights he is gone. I have started thinking about birthing classes that are offered out here, and will probably talk with our Dr. at my next appointment about them.
The other night I had a dream that I was holding my baby GIRL and she had blonde hair and blue eyes, she was SO cute...until she reached up and ripped out all my eyelashes....what the heck kind of dream is that?! Well I am off to meet some girlfriends for lunch!! hopefully I don't gag all over them:)

Quick Update

Just a quick update! We went to the Dr. yesterday afternoon, just a regular routine checkup. Everything looks great! Blood pressure is normal, I've gained 2 lbs. which is good! We got to listen to the heart beat again, this time for a little longer, it is something I think I could listen to all day long. Todd said it is a really good feeling to be able to hear it.:) I talked with the Dr. about my spotting and she said it is very normal, and my cervix is extra sensitive right now. Since I am 12 weeks along and we have found the heart tones twice and they are very strong 165-175, she said it is nothing to worry about.
In 4 more weeks I go for my 16 week check up, at that appoinment I will get blood work done to test for Downs Syndrome and some other disorders. That appointment is Dec. 1st and then after that we schedule the BIG ultrasound! It will be sometime around the end of December, right after Christmas, right before New Years. We will find out the gender of the baby if baby cooperates.:)
As for Todd and I, we are very relieved after our scary Monday morning. We also decided on painting the baby room Banana Cream, a light yellow. Grammie Malone is going to help us with paint and we will paint over Christmas Break. We figured yellow will go with a boy or a girl, and then we can pick out boy or girl decorations. And since it will also be our office, it will make it more neautral for us.
I keep having dreams that it is a girl....AND an old wives tale says that a faster heartbeat = girl!
But who knows! I really don't care either way, just give me that baby!:)

12 week update

Just an update on what happened with me and the baby today. Well nothing happened to the baby apparently, just me:) I woke up this morning and had some spotting, something that you do not want to see when you are pregnant is that. Your mind can wander in so many different directions. I called my Dr. and spoke with a nurse, and they got me in right away, to see if they could detect the baby's heartbeat. Todd met me there and the nurse was SO wonderful. She got the heartbeat right away! Between the 160s-170s. It is very normal for a woman to spot during pregnancy, as long as it is not gushing red for an extended period of time, followed by severe cramping. 1 in 5 women spot during their pregnancy, this was something I was aware of, but when it happened to me, I just got frantic.
I immediately began to cry when she found the heartbeat, because we had not had our appointment to hear it yet, so it was a relief and such a joy that we were hearing our baby's heartbeat for the first time! Just not in the circumstances I would have imagined. Which, made me realize that I am not in control of this baby, God is. I can only do so much to make sure my body is healthy, the rest is up to the Big Guy. It was a very emotional day, with the lowest of lows followed by the highest of highs.